How Can I Survive Church Hurt?

Have you ever fallen and skinned your knee? I have, and although it was painful, it does not compare to being hurt by the church. Church hurt results from an individual or group being harmed by church members on whom they had previously depended. This can take many different forms and can be emotionally, spiritually, physically, or mentally damaging.

It becomes difficult to go to church or to trust and be vulnerable with people who are part of a local church when experiences of church hurt occur. Many who have experienced church hurt suffer in silence and ask themselves, How Can I Survive Church Hurt?

I love the church, but I have also experienced hurt from the church. I want to share four suggestions that have been helpful to me with you.

1. Keep in mind that God sees you differently from how other people see you.

In Ephesians 2:10, Paul says, we are what God has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good

works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life. When we experience church hurt, we frequently start to doubt who we are and whether the church has room for someone like us. However, we would be wise to keep reading and rereading God's promises found in scripture when we experience church hurt. Promises such as Isaiah 26:3, which says, you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you. Or Isaiah 41:13 which says, For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Remind yourself that you are God's child and that neither suffering nor people can ever erase this fact.

2. Don’t process your pain alone.

Church hurt is painful, and the degree of pain varies based on the experience. As this pain

lingers, do your best not to process your pain alone. Embrace a network of friends or coworkers who are there to support you, or think about seeing a therapist. Instead of being overcome by more suffering, resentment, or bitterness, you can unravel the lessons from this experience if you try to process your pain while surrounded by a supportive network.

Remember, you are more than what has happened to you.

3. Breathe, but do not distance yourself from God.

I’ve been told that breathing is an exercise that can impact our lives. Church hurt has a

powerful way of leading us to second-guess the goodness God has placed inside of us. A verse that reminds me of how God formed us is Genesis 1:27, which says, So God created humans in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. This means that God made us, and God loves us. Although church hurt may cause you to desire to retreat and hide, don’t distance yourself from God.

God loves you, even when you may feel like the church does not.

4. Find out what the church is defined as in the Bible.

Before you make the decision to stop going to church, take the time to read the book of Acts in the Bible. This will assist in helping you understand how the church was founded and how the early church functioned.

Write down what you see, and focus on the goodness of this body in the community.

5. Allow God to lead you back into a community.

As you complete each of these steps, keep praying. Don't stop communicating with God, no

matter how much suffering you are going through. Your encounter with church hurt is a

significant life lesson that need not spell the end of your interactions with churches. Take your time, and do your best to be led by God and not your emotions. Church hurt is a type of pain that does not go away quickly, but implementing these steps can help you unpack the lessons from your pain.

Remember, God loves you, and although the church is not perfect, there are churches where you belong and will be cared for the way God envisions. Don’t give up!